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Rolling Stone - June 13, 1991 - Flesh and Fantasy - Big Time Girl Talk with Carrie Fisher

Madonna - Rolling Stone / June 13 1991
Madonna and I had met many times over the years, but we had never actually had a conversation. It took this interview to bring us together ā€“ she as icon, I as inquisitor of icon [after all, I have already distinguished myself as friend of icon, relative of icon and ex-wife of icon]. I had never done an interview before, and I donā€™t know that I will again. For me, this has all the makings of a waterloo.
The first of the two sessions for this interview took place in the restaurant of the Four Seasons Hotel in Los Angeles. Madonna wore gold lame; I probably wore black. The last session took place in the offices of her manager, Freddy DeMann. Madonna wore a negligee; I probably wore black.
I was late for that first meeting because a friend who had AIDS and who was staying with me had suddenly developed a fever. I called Madonna to say I was on my way. ā€œYouā€™re late,ā€ she informed me. I explained about my friend. ā€œWell, okay, thatā€™s a good excuse,ā€ she said.
By the time of our final meeting the following week, my friend had died. He had been extremely courageous, fighting an unbelievable battle. I relate this because it factored somehow into our meetings, making them even more bizarre and certainly changing the tone of our conversation from time to time.
Madonna has no equal at getting attention. She often seems to behave like someone who has been under severe restraint and can now say and do whatever she likes without fear of reprisal. She delights in being challenged, in telling more than she had planned, in going further than she had intended.
Madonna - Rolling Stone / June 13 1991
And judging from her new film Truth Or Dare, there is no ā€œtoo farā€ for Madonna. She has a quality that Iā€™ve always enjoyed in some people, mainly public ones: She will answer any question because she is genuinely interested in her own reply.
A conversation or an interview, then, can become an oppurtunity for self-discovery, or just discovery. Itā€™s a hearty mix of self-consciousness and self-confidence. Itā€™s a type of courage, a free fall into the perplexing public now.
I had heard a rumor that Norman Mailer was the first choice to do this interview but that it didnā€™t work out. Iā€™m sure he would have cost more than I. No doubt that Norman on Madonna would have been a historic piece. But this time around, history was not in the budget. Unfortunately or not, I was. So a lot of money was saved, and history was not made. Or made, at least, of cruder material. Discount history, at those low, low, no-Mailer prices.
Carrie: We have a lot of things in common. We go to the same shrink.
Madonna Yeah, everything I do is measured by what I think her reaction will be.
Carrie: The choice is to be either her worst patient or her best patient, but to be distinct somehow.
Madonna Iā€™m so worried about impressing her ā€“ not impressing her, but being good ā€“ that when I know Iā€™m fucking up.
Carrie: She becomes the superego mommy conscience.
Madonna Absolutely. And so far sheā€™s disapproved of everything Iā€™ve done since Iā€™ve started seeing her. Thatā€™s why I havenā€™t gone lately.
Carrie: Weā€™ve also been married and divorced.
Madonna How many years were you and Paul [Simon] married?
Carrie: We did a six-year stint on ā€œnot marriedā€, and then suddenly it was ā€œLetā€™s fix this relationshipā€, or ā€œWe might as well be marriedā€. Then we were married for two years, and it was very on again, off again, as it was for the whole relationship over thirteen years.
Madonna So nothing changed after you and Paul got married?
Carrie: It got worse because I was supposed to get better. Now I was supposed to be a better wife.
Madonna - Rolling Stone / June 13 1991
Madonna But you werenā€™t.
Carrie: No.
Madonna We also both got married on August 16th.
Carrie: The day Elvis died.
Madonna Is that why you got married on the sixteenth?
Carrie: No. I donā€™t remember why. Why did you? Because Elvis died? No, I know it was because thatā€™s your birthday, and his [Sean Pennā€™s] is the next day. Do you still speak to him?
Madonna I have been speaking to him recently. You know how it is. First itā€™s like anything bad you can say comes out.
Carrie: Iā€™ve never heard you slam him.
Madonna No, Iā€™ve never slammed him publicly. But I went through a hostile period. My heart was really broken. You can be a bitch until your heartā€™s broken, and when your heartā€™s broken, youā€™re a superbitch about everything except that. You guard that closely. So, no, I never really slandered him. And then we went through a period where I never would have known I was even married to the guy. It was like that part of my life did not exist. Four years. The first year was good ā€“ sort of.
Carrie: But you werenā€™t together that long before you got married.
Madonna Seven months. It was really a romantic thing. We were madly in love with each other, and we decided quite soon after we started seeing each other that were going to get married ā€“ and then we got married. He didnā€™t get a tattoo on his arm.
Carrie: You werenā€™t like Cher and Josh [Donen]?
Madonna Or Winona and Johnny? Actually, Sean did get a tattoo but not until after we were married. Itā€™s my nickname on his toe. So, none of his girlfriends can see it unless theyā€™re really inspecting him.
Carrie: Which I should think they would.
Madonna Yeah, at this point. Itā€™s Daisy.
Carrie: Your nickname is Daisy?
Madonna It was when I was with him. No one calls me Daisy now. Now itā€™s Dita, from Dita Parlo, an actress from the Thirties. She did a lot of silent movies.
Carrie: And who gave you this one?
Madonna Actually I gave it to myself., but everyone thought it was very fitting, so it just stuck. You know how you have to pick names when you stay in hotels. After Daisy there was Lulu.
Carrie: Why were you named Daisy? For Daisy Buchanan, Daisy Miller?
Madonna Daisy Miller. There are a lot of good Daisys.
Carrie: Mostly high strung.
Madonna Yeah. And then there was Lulu because I was worshiping Louise Brooks. My name was Lulu Smith.
Carrie: Why did you worship Luise Brooks?
Madonna Because she was hyperactive, she didnā€™t mince words, and she was a rebel ā€“ at least from what Iā€™ve read. I thought she was a fab girl.
Carrie: Who else do you like who doesnā€™t mince words?
Madonna Bette Davis. Oh, everybody I like is dead. The next name, while I was on tour for six months, was Kit Moresby from [the book] The Sheltering Sky. Sheā€™s fairly high-strung but not exactly my personality.
Madonna - Rolling Stone / June 13 1991
Carrie: She was a lsbian and insane. Kit was based on the writer Jane Bowles.
Madonna So they say. Anyway, I loved the book, but after I saw the movie, I didnā€™t want to be Kit Moresby anymore, because it was so disapointing. I didnā€™t want people to think that I was Debra Winger.
Carrie: So weā€™re staying with Dita until further notice.
Madonna Until I find someone else to be enamored of.
Carrie: Someone from the past whoā€™s dead. Dorothy Parker?
Madonna Sheā€™s good, but I donā€™t like the name Dorothy.
Carrie: Dotty. She wore those little puffy dresses and was apparently a really mean drunk.
Madonna Well, you know what we have to say about mean drunks.
Carrie: What? Oh, thatā€™s your ex.
Madonna Shhhh.
Carrie: Yeah, itā€™s a really big secret. Nobody knows.
Madonna Okay, back to things we have in common. Let me ask you something: Did you fuck Warren?
Carrie: No.
Madonna You didnā€™t?
Carrie: Iā€™m one of the few. I could have.
Madonna Okay, but we both made a movie with him, so we both could have fucked him.
Carrie: At the time I was seventeen and making ā€œShampooā€. He offered to relieve me of my huge burden of my virginity. Four times. That was the big offer. I decided against it. I decided for reality over anecdote.
Madonna Next, weā€™re both fag hags.
Carrie: I prefer ā€œfag mollā€.
Madonna Next, we both have a hostility toward men, which rears its ugly head often in our work.
Carrie: I guess so.
Madonna Iā€™m not saying itā€™s bad. I think itā€™s good to work it out. Which leads me to the next common thing ā€“ our work tend to be confessional and semi-autobiographical.
Carrie: But yours hasnā€™t been so autobiographical until lately. ā€œTruth Or Dareā€ is wildly so.
Madonna I finally decided that it was okay. Thatā€™s the most interesting thing to talk about. I couldnā€™t go on pretending that everything was peachy keen.
Carrie: They always say, ā€œWrite about the truest thing you know.ā€
Madonna Exactly. And another thing in common, last but not least ā€“ mother complex.
Carrie: And probably father complex.
Madonna For different reasons.
Carrie: Well, you didnā€™t have a mother. How old were you when she died?
Madonna Five.
Carrie: And did you have a stepmother?
Madonna Yeah, my father remarried three years later. So thatā€™s a lot we have in common. And ā€“ we both have the same shrink.
Carrie: And also a lot of your humor is not dissimilar to something that I do. It is shock over wit. Iā€™ve read interviews in which you say things like ā€œLook how big his dick is!ā€
Madonna Itā€™s a kind of vulgarity.
Carrie: Itā€™s funny to me that you do it, because sometimes it seems like you have the attention of the world and sometimes you behave as though you donā€™t. Itā€™s like you havenā€™t caught up with the reality. It would be a very abstract reality to get behind.
Madonna Itā€™s not something I sit around and think about. Itā€™s rather unconscious. I just sort of naturally say things to shock, not necessarily to offend. Itā€™s like pulling the tablecloth off the table to disarm everybody.
Carrie: You enjoy being controversial. That used to mean talking about things that were never talked about. Now, it seems controversy is just a diluted form of pornography or obscenity. Iā€™m not suggesting that you do pornography, but you do obscenity.
Madonna You want to be more specific about that?
Carrie: You express yourself in crass language. Like the woman in your documentary that you say finger fucked you when you were schoolmates.
Madonna But thatā€™s what really happened!
Carrie: Well, she denied it in the film. But you wanted to ask about that. Who is that girl?
Madonna She was a girl that I grew up with when I was little. She lives in North Carolina now; she moved there with her family. She recently had a baby and named it after me. I have spoken to her and written to her since then. To me, a lot of obscene things happen to people in their lives. I just didnā€™t happen to cut it out of my movie.
Carrie: I donā€™t think itā€™s obscene, actually, itā€™s personal. The language you use to talk about it can be obscene.
Madonna Yeah, but I ended up making a personal movie. To me it was like ā€œWhere do I draw the line?ā€ Should I cut this out? If I cut out that, then why arenā€™t I cutting out this?
Carrie: And you have total say over what you can cut and what you canā€™t?
Madonna In the end, Alek [Keshishian], the director, has final cut, but we never disagree on anything.
Carrie: And he was there for how long?
Madonna He was there through the whole rehearsal period, which was a couple of months. He didnā€™t start filming until we got on the road. In total, he was with us for about seven months.
Carrie: So you were constantly being observed?
Madonna Absolutely.
Carrie: But you are constantly being observed anyway, so the experience was probably just heightened.
Madonna Yeah. I didnā€™t really know Alek that well. I was a bit wary of him in the beginning, and I didnā€™t set out to make such a personal movie. I wanted to document the show because I thought it was really theatrical and I wanted it to be a film. But before we even got on the road, I started developing a relationship with my dancers. I was so fascinated with them that I thought: ā€œNo, I donā€™t want to make a movie about the show. Fuck the show. I want to make a movie about us, about our lifeā€. I thought they were so amusing and inspiring.
Carrie: Why inspiring? Because they worked hard?
Madonna They were hard workers, extremely talented, and I didnā€™t think they were jaded. They hadnā€™t been on tour with other people and hadnā€™t traveled. They hadnā€™t been associated with ā€“ I hate to say the word ā€“ ā€œcelebrityā€. Everything was completely new to them.
Carrie: You could trade on their innocence a little bit.
Madonna Absolutely. And I could show them things and be a mother to them. Take care of them. Assuage my guilt for having so much money by taking them shopping at Chanel and buying them everything their hearts desired.
Carrie: That handles your guilt?
Madonna It makes me feel better for a while.
Carrie: Iā€™ve always felt that the nice thing about having a lot of work is that you feel required and essential to the process. Does your work use you up well enough?
Madonna Yeah, I think it does. It has to, because I ultimately end up making my own work. I donā€™t sit around waiting for other people to give it to me. Iā€™ve had to do this to ensure myself constant employment. I honestly donā€™t think I could just announce to Hollywood, ā€œOkay, now I want to be an actress,ā€ and then wait for people to give me movies. I also couldnā€™t be just a recording artist who puts out a record once a year. I have to keep finding things for myself to do.
Carrie: Like producing films? What do you do? Do you option books, or have writers come in and pitch ideas?
Madonna Itā€™s almost never ideas people pitch.
One film I want to do is the Frida Kahlo story, which I got interested in because I love her paintings. I started collecting her artwork, and all of a sudden everybody loved Frida.
Carrie: Sheā€™s one of the dead people you admire.
Madonna Absolutely. Iā€™d never call myself Frida, though. Now I hear that there are a million people who are all doing Frida projects, but I donā€™t give a shit.
Carrie: Wasnā€™t she supposed to be an unattractive woman?
Madonna I donā€™t think so.
Carrie: Actually, I have a pin of her that looks like you.
Madonna In self-portrait she kind of over-exaggerated her facial hair. Her eyebrow didnā€™t actually meet together, but she painted them to meet together. And she had dark hair on her upper lip because she was Latin American. And she overemphasized that in her paintings, which made her masculine and hard looking. In later years she had health problems. She started taking some kind of medication like steroids and her facial hair got really thick. She had almost a beard; she had to shave practically.
Carrie: How do you shave practically?
Madonna You know what I mean. And Iā€™m just starting to develop Martha Grahamā€™s life story.
Carrie: So youā€™re doing a lot of women.
Madonna I couldnā€™t do any men.
Carrie: As a producer you could.
Madonna Thatā€™s true, but Iā€™m not interested in doing things that Iā€™m not in. Although by the time one of these things comes along, maybe Iā€™ll be too old for it, and then Iā€™ll just direct it.
Carrie: You want to direct?
Madonna - Rolling Stone / June 13 1991
Madonna Definetly. After I made this documentary and having gone through the step-by-step process of making movies, definetly.
Carrie: Iā€™d like to do it eventually too. At my height, Iā€™d like to boss a group of men around. How tall are you?
Madonna Five four and a half.
Carrie: Iā€™m five one and a half, and itā€™s incredibly important to me. Except that I stoop, which is attractive. I have one of those dowagerā€™s bumps; itā€™s from reading when I was a kid. For some reason I donā€™t bring the book up, I bring my head down, like itā€™s a feed bag. So I read like a horse.
Madonna Short people try harder.
Carrie: Iā€™m compensating for it. What are you compensating for? Didnā€™t you think you were attractive?
Madonna When I was little absolutely not.
Carrie: So when did you?
Madonna When did I think I was attractive? When I started hearing it from my ballet teacher at about sixteen.
Carrie: But by then you had solidified the impression that you were not attractive.
Madonna I thought I was a dog from hell.
Carrie: You certainly carry yourself as though ā€“
Madonna Iā€™m a dog from hell?
Carrie: No, quite the opposite. I remember when we were at Ron Silverā€™s Seder together and I had the impression that you were in a documentary, waving. You looked like you were moving through warm, thick liquid. It was very slow and ā€“
Madonna Maybe itā€™s because I was drunk.
Carrie: You were drunk? You get drunk in a very, very graceful way, then.
Madonna I was so out of my element there.
Carrie: Who wasnā€™t? Excuse me!
Madonna Ron was out of his mind.
Carrie: Screaming at his mother.
Madonna Iā€™m not even Jewish. It was all very strange. So if I was moving like I was going through warm liquid, itā€™s because I felt like I was.
Carrie: That was just my impression. I usually watch people and decide that theyā€™re just a lot more comfortable with how theyā€™re coming off than I am.
Madonna Did I look like I was comfortable?
Carrie: You always look like youā€™re comfortable. My impression of you is, armā€™s length. Iā€™ve always felt that you were abrupt toward me, not impolite but close to it. Youā€™re not an ingratiating personality.
Madonna With you?
Carrie: Itā€™s actually gotten better over time, but youā€™ve always been like [blas?] ā€œHi, Carrie.ā€
Madonna I know. I think you probably intimidated me.
Carrie: If so, then it seemed like you were working at intimidating me or removing me from the scene.
Madonna I do that all the time to people that Iā€™m afraid of.
Carrie: In your documentary, you come across more girllike, whereas Iā€™ve always experienced you as, I donā€™t know, a commando. I never understood why you felt the need to attack when youā€™ve certainly won the battle, if not the war, in your mind.
Madonna Well, thatā€™s all part of how Iā€™m going to conquer the world: conquer my loneliness.
Carrie: But the impression I got from the movie was more girlish.
Madonna Yeah, because those are people who I really trusted and I spent a lot of time with, so it was very easy for me to be that way.
Carrie: I saw you with them when I went backstage after I saw your show with Penny Marshall. We stood where the short people stand ā€“ sort of in the corner.
Madonna Thatā€™s the funny thing about you in my life, Carrie. I see you in a lot of places, and you know a lot of people that I know, but for some reason I always feel like whenever I see you, I see you unexpectedly. In other words, no one ever tells me that youā€™re coming or theyā€™re bringing you. So I feel if I knew, then I would be ready.
Carrie: I like the idea of preparing for me, like getting cookbooks or something.
Madonna Exactly. But I always see you and go, ā€œOh!ā€ You seem to always kind of be ā€“
Carrie: Around.
Madonna Youā€™re on the periphery, but you have a very commanding personality. Maybe I see some of myself in you and I canā€™t deal with that.
Carrie: I offend you greatly. My line is that too many village idiots spoil the village. So if youā€™re in the room, itā€™s your village, man, and you be the idiot. I would certainly take a backseat to your drive. Youā€™re what I would call a focus puller. You would have been a star in any incarnation.
Madonna You mean whatever I chose to do?
Carrie: But you could not have been chosen to do anything but what you do, could you? Did you ever want to do aynthing else?
Madonna No.
Carrie: Like John Lennon once told Paul [Simon] that he wanted to be a hairdresser. Yeah, right.
Madonna Well, I wanted to be a nun. I saw nuns as superstars.
Carrie: How could you have been a nun, given your attitude? Sister Mary Blowjob.
Madonna Sister Mary Fellatio. When I was growing up I went to a Catholic school, and the nuns, to me, were these superhuman, beautiful, fantastic people. To me, that was as close as I was going to get to celebrities. I thought they were really elegant. They wore these long gowns, they seemed to glide on the floor, everyone said they were married to Jesus. I thought they were superhuman and fabulous.
Carrie: So you grew up believing in God.
Madonna I still believe in God.
Carrie: Do you go to church?
Madonna I donā€™t like to visit God in a specific area. I like him to be everywhere.
Carrie: Here with us now.
Madonna Part of my air.
Carrie: Well, I like the idea. My doubt is heavier.
Madonna You probably werenā€™t raised with devoutly religious parent. It sort of rubs off on you.
Carrie: So your father is devoutly religious?
Madonna Absolutely.
Carrie: Does he go to church still?
Madonna Every Sunday.
Carrie: So your big thing is probably rebelling against the church. Iā€™m going to figure you out yet.
Madonna Rebelling against the church and rebelling against the law decreed by my father, which were dictated through the church, I suppose.
Carrie: Do you believe in the afterlife?
Madonna Oh, I believe in everything. Thatā€™s what Catholicism teaches you.
Carrie: So you go to confession? Iā€™d love to be there.
Madonna I donā€™t know, but I did.
Carrie: You donā€™t even go to your shrink.
Madonna But mind you, when I did go to confession, I never told the priest what I thought Iā€™d really done wrong. Iā€™d make up other, smaller crimes. I thought, look, if I think Iā€™ve done something wrong I have a private line to God, and Iā€™ll just tell him in my bedroom.
Carrie: Do you still think that you have a private line to God? ā€œHello, God, itā€™s Madonna.ā€ No, not even Madonna, just say, ā€œGod, itā€™s me.ā€
Madonna He knows my voice by now. I suppose I still pray.
Carrie: Well, you do before your shows, as we see in your film. I was so impressed. My brother is a born-again Christian, and though we fought over it, I always sort of envied his ability to suspend doubt.
Madonna Itā€™s not that my doubt has been suspended, itā€™s just that if somethingā€™s really horrible and I say enough prayers, it will get better.
Carrie: I believe in God in strong air turbulence.
Madonna God seems to be there whenever things are really horrible. I do try to remind myself ā€“ I know this sounds corny ā€“ to be thankful for things when theyā€™re good, to be conscious of God.
Carrie: Even during your masturbation reenactments onstage?
Madonna Well, I donā€™t practice Catholicism now. The Catholic Church completely frowns on sex.
Carrie: Sex is okay for procreation.
Madonna But only for procreation and nor for enjoyment.
Carrie: Men have to have an orgasm in order to procreate, while we certainly donā€™t.
Madonna Right, thatā€™s another thing ā€“ Catholisicm is extremely sexist.
Carrie: Thank God.
Madonna For what?
Carrie: That we donā€™t have to have an orgasm in order to procreate.
Madonna Yeah, it sort of takes the pressure off of us.
Carrie: Who told you about sex, your father?
Madonna Who did tell me? My stepmother told me, and I remember I was horrified. I was ten and had just started my period. It was like ā€œOkay, we better tell her.ā€ I remember my stepmother was in the kitchen, and I was washing the dishes. Every time she said the word penis, Iā€™d turn the water on really hard so it would drown out what she said. I thought what she was telling me was horrifying, absolutely horrifying. And I hated the word. I just hated the whole thing.
Carrie: You certainly had a lot of brothers, so you must have seen theirs.
Madonna I did, and I thought they were disgusting.
Carrie: I saw my stepfatherā€™s ā€“ which was alarming ā€“ from the back.
Madonna I never saw my father naked, and I really thought about that.
Carrie: So, what did your stepmother tell you?
Madonna I donā€™t remember the exact words, but just that a man has a penis and a woman has a vagina.
Carrie: You didnā€™t mind the word ā€œvaginaā€ as much?
Madonna No, because I have one, so I can relate to it. I can barely relate to a dick now; I couldnā€™t at all then.
Carrie: Would you like to have one, every now and again?
Madonna Yeah, Iā€™d like to know what it feels like to go in and out of somebody.
Carrie: Enter laughing.
Madonna Itā€™s enough having my breasts as an appendage. When you jump up and down, or dance, or run, or whatever, theyā€™re there. I canā€™t imagine having a third thing hanging off my body. How dreadful!
Carrie: I think Iā€™d like to wake up with an erection, even if it was just to not like it.
Madonna Yeah, Iā€™d like to know what those things are like. Iā€™d really like to pee standing up.
Carrie: The way to do that is to go to Africa. When you really have to go, you go in the bush. All you think is that a snake is going to come and bite something ā€“ hopefully your ass.
Madonna Thatā€™s what makes women extra vulnerable, that extra hole.
Carrie: But men are vulnerable because their genitals are hanging outside and could be lopped off. Ours have been lopped off.
Madonna Yeah, but we have a big orifice tha tinsects can crawl inside of.
Carrie: Have you had that experience?
Madonna No, thank God. But I think I probably had that fear when I was little. Whenever I was out in the woods, Iā€™d sit on my hands to make sure that no bugs could permeate my underpants and go up inside my crotch.
Carrie: Theyā€™d have to be pretty small bugs, I guess, depending on what kind of underwear you wore. If you were Catholic, you probably werenā€™t wearing lace at that point. You didnā€™t get into really elaborate underwear until recently, I imagine.
Madonna Not until I had money, really.
Carrie: How long have you had money? Eight years? I can figure it out because you were becoming famous when I was in the drug clinic. The videos used to be on. The drug addicts only wanted to watch ā€œStar Trek,ā€ MTV or ā€œThe Twilight Zone.ā€ You were part of my recovery, dancing and writhing around on the floor.
Madonna In my lace underwear.
Carrie: Speaking of that, how is your personal life now? Youā€™re not with that guy anymore.
Madonna Iā€™m in a state of limbo. I find myself singing ā€œMister Sandmanā€ every night before I go to bed.
Carrie: So, do you want me to set you up with some people?
Madonna Excellent.
Carrie: Is there something particular that youā€™re looking for at this juncture?
Madonna Intelligence would be good.
Carrie: As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people sure donā€™t.
Madonna Iā€™ll take a slightly overweight guy if heā€™s smart.
Carrie: You can work him out.
Madonna - Rolling Stone / June 13 1991
Madonna Yeah, Iā€™ll put him through a training regime. But what can you do to somebodyā€™s brain? The die is cast.
Carrie: You donā€™t want to put him through Boyfriend University?
Madonna Oh, God, Iā€™m so tired of that. Iā€™m waiting for the perfect man.
Carrie: Thatā€™s going to be tough. I always thought that I wanted to form an alliance rather than have a relationship ā€“ find someone who you fancy as your counterpart. But a counterpart you go to war with, a counterpart you live with. So this is my new theory.
Madonna Iā€™ve found counterparts, and Iā€™ve worked with them.
Carrie: That almost killed me.
Madonna I have not found a complement.
Carrie: I would have thought your last boyfriend [model Tony Ward] was a complement.
Madonna He was a complement, but my insist that whoever complements me has his own identity. Meanwhile, letā€™s skip right to the thing men really enjoy.
Carrie: Letā€™s get to the real servicing thing. The quickest way to a manā€™s heart is not through his stomach, itā€™s through blow jobs.
Madonna I donā€™t like blow jobs.
Carrie: What do you like?
Madonna Getting head.
Carrie: For how long?
Madonna A day and a half [laughs].
Carrie: So why donā€™t you go out with women? I have the answer from my end.
Madonna Because after they give me head I want them to stick it inside of me.
Carrie: My answer is, because thereā€™s no payoff.
Madonna Although, I guess a woman could strap on a dildo.
Carrie: Not really. Thereā€™s no way to look at somebody who has strapped on a dildo and still think theyā€™re a human. Their dignity levels are frighteningly low.
Madonna Iā€™ve never had one inside of me, but for a joke I asked a friend of mine to put one on. I just couldnā€™t stop laughing, so I donā€™t see how anyone could look at them with a straight face.
Carrie: Thatā€™s what you can do at your level of power: Insist that someone strap on a dildo.
Madonna She was happy to do it.
Carrie: I bet! Good anecdote, bad reality. Mike Nichols once said that in relationships there should be a flower and a gardener, and there was the problem with you and Sean: Two flowers, no gardener, no nurture. Whoā€™s going to mind the relationship?
Madonna Thatā€™s exactly it. Whoā€™s taking care of things? ā€œWe both need a wifeā€ is what Sean was always saying. Weā€™re supposed to be the good wife.
Carrie: Breadwinner and breadmaker. When you win as much bread as you do, your bread-baking skills are going to go down and itā€™s going to be harder to have a relationship. You have to figure out different compromises. Most men donā€™t want to compromise.
Madonna I have to figure out what I can do good for a guy that will take care of the fact that Iā€™m not going to be doing the cooking.
Carrie: What can you do well? Iā€™m desperate to hear that stuff. You are very attractive.
Madonna Thatā€™s not doing something good.
Carrie: Well, for guys it is.
Madonna I would never be a financial burden to anyone [laughs]. I think I have a terrific sense of humor.
Carrie: You can joke about the things that theyā€™re not getting.
Madonna Exactly. Iā€™m a good kisser. I know that.
Carrie: How do you know?
Madonna Because everyone says so. They donā€™t tell me I give good head, believe me, because I donā€™t give it.
Carrie: Ever?
Madonna They just tell me Iā€™m a savage bitch. Who wants to choke? Thatā€™s the bottom line. I contend that thatā€™s part of the whole humiliation thing of men with women. Women cannot choke a guy.
Carrie: Some would argue.
Madonna Yeah, but still, it doesnā€™t go down into their throat and move their epiglottis around.
Carrie: So youā€™re a good kisser, you have a good sense of humor, and youā€™re not a financial burden. I think we have to find some more stuff.
Madonna Okay. I can carry my own suitcases.
Carrie: Are you supportive or nurturing?
Madonna I can be [laughs]. Iā€™m tempted to say itā€™s not my nature, but in the other hand I know that I am nurturing.
Carrie: Do you remember to ask how their day was?
Madonna I do, but only becauseā€¦
Carrie: Youā€™ve been tortured about not doing it.
Madonna Exactly. Iā€™m getting better at that. Inevitably, what they did bores me.
Carrie: But you know how Iā€™ve heard boredom described? Unenthusiastic hostility.
Madonna Thatā€™s good.
Carrie: Do you want to have children?
Madonna Yeah.
Carrie: When?
Madonna As soon as I find Mr. Right. No, as soon as I just finish one more project!
Carrie: But I donā€™t think there is Mr. Right.
Madonna Okay, there isnā€™t Mr. Right.
Carrie: I think we have to modify that idea.
Madonna Expectations, absolutely.
Carrie: Especially when youā€™re such a piece of work. Youā€™ll forgive me, but most men ā€“ I was told this by a shrink ā€“ will not want to take on a person in your position. He didnā€™t speak specifically of you but of people with large careers.
Madonna Iā€™m sure of that. Thatā€™s why so many young guys go after me. For me itā€™s either older guys or younger guys. Older guys have already achieved success. They know who they are and generally they have money, one would hope, so theyā€™re not about to be that competitive with you. Theyā€™re in a certain place; theyā€™re in the twilight. And then there are the really younger ones, and nothing is expected of them yet.
Carrie: And thereā€™s also that horrible thing when you go on dates after youā€™re thirty: Everyoneā€™s already experienced a bad relationship, so youā€™re living in the blowout of that horror. You have to put up with the ghosts that both carry around. A younger guy doesnā€™t have as many ghosts, so you can scribble on their clean slates. You can be their first bad experience.
Madonna And I usually am.
Carrie: You can initiate them into the world of dysfunctional releationships.
Madonna I can walk away and say, ā€œWell, thatā€™ll really make a man out of him.ā€
Carrie: Thatā€™s right, theyā€™ve had their Madonna experience. Thatā€™s what wrecked me for dating guys after I turned twenty. I didnā€™t want to give anyone the oppurtunity to say they had fucked Princess Leia.
Madonna Laid Princess Leia.
Carrie: I think you should put an ad in some very, very high-level newspaper.
Madonna Like what, the Wall Street Journal?
Carrie: So how are you going to meet guys, go to bars?
Madonna No.
Carrie: The bummer about being a celebrity is that guys already know so much about you, which you wether have to undo or redo.
Madonna You can always say, ā€œYou canā€™t believe anything youā€™ve read.ā€
Carrie: ā€œIā€™m really very sweet, and I only showed how to give a blow job in that movie because I was stressed out. Thatā€™s not really how to do it, this is how I do it.ā€
Madonna I guess it is strange. Itā€™s kind of hard to date when youā€™re a celebrity, because you canā€™t walk unknown into a place and present yourself to somebody. Itā€™s like everybody knows you already. Or hereā€™s a good barometer: if you can watch my documentary and not be completely repulsed ā€“ not repulsed, but shocked ā€“ by me. That weeds them out.
Carrie: Thatā€™s what I think you like to do. You like to test your parameters by exceeding them.
Madonna Thatā€™s it, absolutely. You got it.
Carrie: I was going to ask if you were going to keep topping yourself in each of your videos. Could we expect one of your male dancers pull a tampon out of you with his teeth? But I donā€™t want to give you any ideas.
Madonna I donā€™t like blood, so you wonā€™t see that.
Carrie: It could be during off period, during ovulation.
Madonna I havenā€™t thought of that one. I donā€™t think I would, though, because I donā€™t think any of my dancers want to go anywhere near my pussy.
Carrie: They like to go near your breasts, though.
Madonna But thatā€™s just a leftover thing with their moms.
Carrie: Youā€™ve been photographed kissing women. Do they kiss the same as men?
Madonna Sometimes better. Iā€™ve kissed girls that are horrible kissers. Iā€™ve only kissed women, though.
Carrie: Well, youā€™ve done the finger-fucking thing.
Madonna Okay, okay.
Carrie: But thatā€™s it.
Madonna Let me put it this way: Iā€™ve certainly had fantasies of fucking women, but Iā€™m not a lesbian.
Carrie: You never took drugs?
Madonna Not really.
Carrie: You seem like youā€™re too in control. I like to regain control.
Madonna After youā€™ve lost it? No, I never like to relinquish it. I went through a real short period where I very begrudgingly tried a few drugs.
Carrie: LSD ever?
Madonna I didnā€™t really enjoy it. I enjoyed ecstasy.
Carrie: Thereā€™s a nickname for ecstasy: St. Joseph baby acid.
Madonna What I like about it was that it took my edge off. Iā€™m a naturally suspicious person, and all of a sudden I didnā€™t see everyone as my enemy. I was really nice to people.
Carrie: So next time I want you to be really nice to me, Iā€™ll put some ecstasy in your water.
Madonna It was enjoyable a couple of times. But I would feel violently ill after I did it. Iā€™d be bedridden for days, so it wasnā€™t worth it. Good anecdote, bad reality.
Carrie: It sounds like itā€™s a good anecdote, bad subsequent reality ā€“ which I always used to feel was worth it.
Madonna - Rolling Stone / June 13 1991
Madonna I never really enjoyed coke because it made me more of a nervous wreck than I am.
Carrie: So, if you are a nervouse wreck, why wouldnā€™t you have gotten into painkillers?
Madonna They werenā€™t available. I didnā€™t know anybody who did them. I was trying drugs before I had money, and the peole I knew were only into ups. Everybody was into coke and crystal meth ā€“ stuff that made you chew on the side of your mouth after you took it. If I needed anything, I needed something to calm me down ā€“ and nobody seemed to have that.
Carrie: Then youā€™re lucky. Also youā€™re not addictive, just compulsive.
Madonna Iā€™m definetly compulsive, but Iā€™m compulsive about being in control.
Carrie: Iā€™m addictive-compulsive, and I would have been a drug addict no matter what. The great philosophy of painkillers is that they make you feel better. Well, if you donā€™t feel bad already, thatā€™s great; but if you do, thatā€™s better still.
Madonna My treatment for feeling bad was not to make myself feel better but to flagellate myself in other ways.
Carrie: Thatā€™s Catholic. Whatā€™s your mother complex?
Madonna That I donā€™t have one, so Iā€™m always looking for someone to fill up my hole ā€“ no pun intended.
Carrie: So, then, youā€™re looking for someone to be your mother?
Madonna Yeah. Sheā€™s gone, so Iā€™ve turned my need on to the world and said, ā€œOkay, I donā€™t have a mother to love me, Iā€™m going to make the world love me.ā€
Carrie: Now that youā€™ve gotten the attention and youā€™ve gotten a certain amount of respect ā€“
Madonna But itā€™s not enough.
Carrie: No. Well, when is enough? David Mamet has a Pulitzer Prize and still doesnā€™t feel like a real writer. I mean, I donā€™t know anybody at any level who goes, ā€œAhhh!ā€
Madonna Thatā€™s good to know. I wonder if there are people walking around who are happy with what theyā€™ve accomplished? I donā€™t know anyone whoā€™s happy.
Carrie: Not anybody in this business.
Madonna Which is full of unhappy peopleā€¦
Carrie: And children of alcoholics. You donā€™t have that problem.
Madonna Thereā€™s alcoholism in my family. My father wasnā€™t an alcoholic, but his parents were. And some of the people in my motherā€™s family are alcoholics.
Carrie: Youā€™re lucky youā€™re aware of that because it makes it a lot easier to handle.
Madonna Absolutely. I guess some people would say that my fatherā€™s behaviour was alcoholic behaviour.
Carrie: It would have to be if heā€™s a child of one. Children of alcoholics donā€™t manifest the alcoholism, but they do the behaviour. Does your father give you advice.
Madonna No.
Carrie: Never? I bet he did. Youā€™re rebelling against somebody.
Madonna My father didnā€™t give me advice, he just gave orders.
Carrie: Well, thatā€™s advice.
Madonna ā€œDo this or else.ā€
Carrie: Whatā€™s the ā€œor elseā€?
Madonna I was always grounded or had to do chores or was forced to stay at home for the summer.
Carrie: No hitting?
Madonna My father never hit me. My stepmother slapped me a lot, and she gave me a bloody nose once. I was thrilled about it because my nose bled all over an outfit that she made me for Easter. I really hated it, and I didnā€™t want to wear it to church.
Carrie: How old were you?
Madonna About twelve. We had a very large family and my stepmother was trying to make end meet, so often she would go to Kmart and buy big bolts of fabric that were on sale. She would sew exact same McCallā€™s dress pattern for me and my three sisters. I detested that ā€“ looking like my sisters. I wanted to be my own person.
Carrie: Youā€™ve succeded in that.
Madonna I know, I know. Anyway, she made us these horrible lime green dresses.
Carrie: It must have looked nice with blood on it.
Madonna What happened was that we got into the car to go to church and I was disgusted that I had to wear this lime green dress with white stripes on it. I had on white ankle socks with white shoes. I thought I looked hideous. I got into the front seat of the station wagon next to my stepmother. The car was completelly filled up with all my brothers and sisters. I mumbled something about this horrible ugly dress I was wearing, and my stepmother just went BAM! I always got nosebleeds when I was little and my nose bled very easily. Even though I was in agony, I couldnā€™t have been more thrilled. Not only did I not have to wear that dress, but I didnā€™t have to go to church. My nose wouldnā€™t stop bleeding, so everyone left and I got to stay home.
Carrie: So you were supposed to be a good little girl. Were you supposed to be a vigin when you got married?
Madonna Yes, and my stepmother told me I wasnā€™t allowed to wear tampons until I got married. Can you imagine? Whatā€™s why my friend Moira had to teach me how to wear a tampon. Iā€™m telling you, I put it in sideways and was walking around paralyzed one day. It pinched a nerve or something.
Carrie: And you were rebelling by putting it in at all.
Madonna Yes, but I wanted to go swimming. It was during the summer, and who can go swimming with a Kotex on?
Carrie: Probably someone.
Madonna Probably Mormons or something. No, you just donā€™t go swimming ā€“ just like you donā€™t fuck when youā€™re Catholic if you donā€™t want to get pregnant. There are all these stupid rules.
Carrie: My favorite Polish joke is the one where all the Polish people have fifty dollars and they go to New York. Theyā€™re sent out to find something to do. One of them goes out and comes back later with a carton of Tampax. They go, ā€œWhat is this?ā€ He says: ā€œLook! You can go swimming, you can go horseback riding, you can go sky diving.ā€
Madonna Thatā€™s cute.
Carrie: When did you lose your virginity?
Madonna When I was fourteen.
Carrie: So you got into rebelling.
Madonna Right away.
Carrie: Did they know?
Madonna Nooo. Oh, no.
Carrie: And when they did find out that you had?
Madonna They didnā€™t.
Carrie: Theyā€™ll find out through this article.
Madonna Iā€™ve never really talked about sex with my father. My parents were virgins when they got married. My mother was very religious, too. I think my father realized I was having sex once I married Sean [Penn]. Before then I donā€™t think he did. I never brought any guys around because my parents lived in Michigan and I lived in New York at the time.
Carrie: When did you move away from home?
Madonna When I was seventeen. But I never brought anybody home. Oh, once I brought Jellybean [Benitez] home, but we had to sleep in separate bedrooms.
Carrie: Did you sneak?
Madonna No, because my fatherā€™s bedroom was in between.
Carrie: In ā€œTruth Or Dareā€ when your father came to the show, was that the first time he had seen you simulate masturbation and be so explicit about everything?
Madonna I donā€™t know if heā€™s seen all the other things Iā€™ve done. Iā€™m sure when the nude pictures in Playboy and the album Like A Virgin came out he went through a period of extreme shock.
Carrie: Did he ever say anything?
Madonna No.
Carrie: Thatā€™s nice ā€“ I guess.
Madonna Iā€™m not sure. I havenā€™t decided. When I go home, my father absolutely does not acknowledge that Iā€™m famous, or a star, or a celebrity, or that Iā€™ve made it in any way. He doesnā€™t talk about it so I can fit in and not feel scorn of my brothers and sisters. Iā€™m not sure that I like that.
Carrie: That must be complicated if you go out to dinner.
Madonna I never go out to dinner when I go home.
Carrie: So you donā€™t want to make him confront your celebrity.
Madonna No, I would like it if he talked about it, actually, but he never does. Maybe I want him to recognize it so that finally Iā€™ll have his approval.
Carrie: To not have his disapproval ā€“
Madonna Is better than nothing.
Carrie: But it would be nice to have a conversation with him about what you do. You would probably have to assume that ā€“ given your upbringing ā€“ he would object to it.
Madonna My fatherā€™s not inceribly confrontial about things like that.
Carrie: He gave you loud advice. He gave you orders.
Madonna My father has had a lot of tragedies in his life. I have some very crazy brothers who really keep my father busy.
Carrie: So youā€™re a success story, despite the fact that some of what you do flies in the face of his religion.
Madonna Absolutely.
Carrie: At least youā€™re not in rehab.
Madonna Iā€™m not in rehab, and heā€™s not still supporting me.
Carrie: Is he still supporting them?
Madonna Well, if they could spend a couple of months out of rehab they could get jobs.
Carrie: How many of them are doing that?
Madonna There are two of them that sort of go in and out. They have problems. Oneā€™s just an older version of the other.
Carrie: And one of them was in ā€œTruth Or Dareā€.
Madonna Yeah.
Carrie: Do you get along with him?
Madonna Yeah, I do.
Carrie: Has he seen the movie?
Madonna No, he hasnā€™t. I know heā€™s looking forward to it because he really wants to be a star in his own right.
Carrie: A star at what?
Madonna Anything. Heā€™s a real con artist. Heā€™s got this great deep voice, so for a while he was a disc jockey for black radio stations. He thinks heā€™s a black person, I think. Heā€™s histerically funny.
Carrie: Itā€™s the gallows humor. You better be funny if youā€™re going to be a big problem.
Madonna Oh, he is funny. That boy can make you laugh. Iā€™d like to see him have a stable life.
Carrie: Do you get along with your brother Christopher?
Madonna I get along with him fabulously, famously.
Carrie: And he works.
Madonna Many of my brothers and sisters work. Itā€™s just that Chrisopher really understands what happens to me in my life from day to day.
Carrie: Heā€™s the only family member who has that experience.
Madonna Yeah.
Carrie: [My friend Julian died of AIDS on Saturday at 4:45 P.M. in Sherman Oaks Hospital, in Los Angeles. He had been staying with me for a month. Madonna and I resumed this interview on Tuesday evening. I described some of the particulars of his death to her off the record. I tend to joke about things that are awkward or painful to me. So if some of what follows seem offhand or flippant in any way, I apologize. Being with someone while they die is a very intense and inspiring process. It hardly seems like something to cover in a Madonna interview. After all, we were there to shed some light on a glaringly illuminated individual and to talk about her new film. Death is intimate. Real. Big Real. This interview worked out to be a kind of truth or death for me. But as they say, the truth will out, or ā€œYeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I found myself humming Vogueā€.]
Madonna I heard your friend died, and I canā€™t believe youā€™d even want to do an interview today. I donā€™t want the gory details, but what happened? Was is sudden?
Madonna - Rolling Stone / June 13 1991
Carrie: Yeah, we went to the emergency room Friday morning, and he died Saturday. I got the ā€œVanity Fairā€ with the story about you when I was at the hospital, so he saw your pictures. He wanted me to hold them up. He liked them very much.
Madonna Oh, that breaks my heart. How old was he?
Carrie: Thirty-one. Iā€™d never seen anything like that.
Madonna Itā€™s a very cruel, gruesome death.
Carrie: He was a real shtarker about it. ā€œThis is so sillyā€ and ā€œMy slippers are under the bedā€ were, I believe, his last complete phrases. He was delirious at the end.
Madonna Itā€™s confusing to talk about other people dying.
Carrie: But when you see somebody doing it, theyā€™re very busy doing it ā€“ so itā€™s not as bad as you think. He was Catholic.
Madonna I didnā€™t have such a pleasant experience. It was the ugliest, most horrible thing Iā€™ve ever seen. I was in the room with my best friend when he died. I was absolutely positively horrified. He didnā€™t have the same sense of humor your friend had. I wish he would have. It was very ā€œWhy me?ā€ He felt persecuted to the end.
Carrie: Everybody has their own idea about death. Do you have any death thoughts that youā€™d like to share with the group?
Madonna Death thoughts. Thatā€™s funny because I was thinking about dying the other day. You get to preoccupied with thinking about being eternally youthful, but every once in a while a death thought comes upon you.
Carrie: Thatā€™s what is so scary about being a woman in this business. Not only can you not age gracefully, you canā€™t age at all.
Madonna Yeah. The death thought came while I was sitting on my toilet peeing ā€“ thatā€™s where I have my most contemplative moments. I like sitting on the toilet, period ā€“ number one or number two. I was thinking about dying. Iā€™m obsessed with it because my mother died of breast cancer when she was thirty.
Carrie: So you check all that regularly.
Madonna Yes, I go to the mammogram vault on a regular basis. Itā€™s the most horryfing thing in the world. You go in and you feel like youā€™re getting your death sentence. First off all itā€™s painful because they smash your breats into this thing. Then you put a robe on and go into this room where everybody scatters because of the radiation. Youā€™re lying alone on this table and the radiation is coming in and youā€™re thinking, ā€œWell, theyā€™re giving me the cancer while theyā€™re looking for cancer.ā€ You just feel really creepy. My mother was a radiation technologist ā€“ I always thought maybe they didnā€™t make her wear lead aprons. Anyway, I turned thirty and didnā€™t die, so I felt really good about that.
Carrie: Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Madonna I donā€™t think Iā€™ll be dead.
Carrie: But in terms of your carreer, wonā€™t you have to stop as sexual at a certain point before it becomes weird.
Madonna Why?
Carrie: Thatā€™s the law. Not a forty-two.
Madonna Sexy in what way? Marlene Dietrich is still sexy.
Carrie: My father slept with her.
Madonna Really? I wish I had slept with her.
Carrie: With her?
Madonna Yeah, sheā€™s gorgeous. She had a very masculine thing about her, but I think she maintained a sexual allure. You just do it in a different way. Iā€™m absolutely not afraid of wether Iā€™ll find work or not in ten years. What is going to be tougher for me, Iā€™m sure, is just the emotional idea of being older.
Carrie: Marilyn Monroe died at thirty-six, before she had to deal with all that.
Madonna I think it would have been pretty tough on her.
Carrie: There arenā€™t that many women who were sex objects who have survived. There are a couple of them, but when you see them interviewed, they donā€™t look very good.
Madonna Why do you think that is? Is it just a state of mind?
Carrie: I think when youā€™re valued for something that you didnā€™t have much business in acquiring ā€“ like your looks ā€“ youā€™re more out of control. As your looks diminish with age, you feel your value is diminishing and you get afraid.
Madonna But do you think that Iā€™m valued for my looks?
Carrie: Partly.
Madonna Because I have never considered myself a conventionally pretty person. I look at girls and go, ā€œTheyā€™re perfect.ā€ I have to work at it.
Carrie: But your beauty is part of your impact ā€“ like Marilyn and Jayne Mansfield. And thereā€™s one whose name I canā€™t remember ā€“
Madonna Mamie Van Doren?
Carrie: Thatā€™s the one. Sheā€™s alive.
Madonna But they didnā€™t cultivate anything else.
Carrie: And you are creatively invloved in your career. Itā€™s not simply your looks, although they help. You do get very invloved in keeping yourself attractive. But youā€™re not as self-destructive as Marilyn. She was very male indetified: She went from one male to the next and was constantly disappointed.
Madonna I know that feeling.
Carrie: Itā€™s interesting that you indentify with Marilyn, because sheā€™s somebody who didnā€™t survive the fire.
Madonna I identify with her to a certain extent, but then I have to draw the line. I mean, I donā€™t look at her and go, ā€œOoh, her life is just like mine.ā€ No way.
Carrie: Thatā€™s why I think itā€™s better to focus on a part of your image that you have more control over ā€“ which would be your songwriting or producing ā€“ and get involved in a way that you donā€™t have to be young and beautiful forever.
Madonna You wonā€™t hear me disagreeing with you on that.
Carrie: What about your whole spanking thing? I donā€™t get that.
Madonna Itā€™s a joke. I despise being spanked. I absolutely detest that. Itā€™s play. I say I want to get spanked, but itā€™s like ā€œTry it and Iā€™ll knock your fucking head off.ā€ Itā€™s a joke!
Carrie: But I saw you on Arsenio and you said ā€“
Madonna I was just playing with Arsenio.
Carrie: This is a very important piece of news.
Madonna I certainly punish myself in lots of ways but not by having people hit me. I hate it. And if someone tries to spank me, like before sex or something ā€“
Carrie: But if kids hear some of that stuff and think itā€™s cute, it could be misinterpreted.
Madonna I suppose so.
Carrie: You could be a little bit clearer about that, to my mind.
Madonna I thought it would be obvious ā€“ because of my image as a person who wants to be domineering and take charge ā€“ that there was no way I would actually want somebody to spank me.
Carrie: I didnā€™t get it or that stuff on the ā€œExpress Yourselfā€ video with you in a dog collar.
Madonna But itā€™s all the same thing. These are traditional roles that women play, and here I am doing them, but thatā€™s not really what Iā€™m doing.
Carrie: I thought perhaps you felt that you had so much control that you had some berserk fantasy having some of it removed.
Madonna - Rolling Stone / June 13 1991
Madonna I didnā€™t mean it that way. I think it was just my sick little sense of humor, or not so-little sense of humor. The spanking thing started because I believed that my character in Dick Tracy liked to get smacked around and thatā€™s why she hung around with people like Al Pacinoā€™s character. Warren [Beatty] asked me to write some songs, one of them the Hanky Panky song was about that. I say in the song ā€œNothing like a good spanky,ā€ and in the middle I say, ā€œOoh, my bottom hurts just thinking about it.ā€ When it came out everybody started asking, ā€œDo you like to get spanked?ā€ and I said: ā€œYeah. Yeah, I do.ā€
Carrie: And on ā€œNightlineā€, you talked about putting a dog collar on yourself and all. I thought, ā€œWell, why would somebody in her position choose to put a collar on herself?ā€ So I thought maybe it was a way of punish yourself for all the rewards you had gotten.
Madonna It is, Iā€™m sure. I canā€™t entirely explain it. Itā€™s just an image I thought was powerful, and I chose to use it in my video. It showed an extreme. First you see me chained to a bed, then you see me on top of a stairway with these workinh men below, and Iā€™m wearing a suit and grabbing my crotch. Extreme images of women: One is in charge, in control, dominating; the other is chained to a bed, taking care of the procreation responsibilities.
Carrie: Youā€™re more known through your videos and songs, so perhaps your sense of humor isnā€™t as obvious to people.
Madonna It will be soon, though.
Carrie: If you do a lot of press and people understand that youā€™re kidding ā€“
Madonna Then the real me will be revealed.
Carrie: I donā€™t think thereā€™s any such thing.
Madonna So, Iā€™m being sarcastic.
Carrie: That would be a good way for someone to woo you?
Madonna If I knew, Iā€™d call them right away and tell them.
Carrie: No, I think you should leave that to me. I think it would be better if I told them and they approached you. It would be bad if you just thought they were following your instructions.
Madonna I like letters.
Carrie: So, youā€™d like to go out with a writer.
Madonna Oh, God, I would love to.
Carrie: Iā€™m telling you, I can set you up with one! He has tattoos and a brain.
Madonna Thatā€™s worth at least a hard-on.
Carrie: And what else?
Madonna I like it if I havenā€™t seen somebody in a while and he remembers my favorite thing to eat or my favorite flower.
Carrie: You like someone to be considerate.
Madonna Yeah. A considerate good writer.
Carrie: Good-looking is not essential? It seems to have been a factor. The last one was a model.
Madonna Yeah, but you havenā€™t seen everybody Iā€™ve gone out with.
Carrie: How do you know? Do you think Iā€™m too busy to follow you around and know all about your life?
Madonna I suppose looks are important, but Iā€™ve certainly found myself attracted to men who arenā€™t conventionally attractive. Painters are good, too. There are two things that I canā€™t do and wish I could ā€“ write and paint.
Carrie: But you do write.
Madonna I know, but to sit down and write a novel is mond-boggling to me. I just canā€™t imagine sitting down and applying yourself to that much paper. How do you sit still for so long? My attention span isnā€™t that long.
Carrie: I read you write songs in fifteen minutes.
Madonna Yeah, but pop songs are really easy to write. Michael Jacksonā€™s been working on his album for something like three years. I canā€™t imagine doing that! Iā€™d go insane.
Carrie: Has anyone written a song about you?
Madonna Pat Leonard, this guy that I write music with, wrote a song about me called ā€œQueen Of Mysery.ā€
Carrie: Are you like that? Do you get depressed?
Madonna I have been. I write all my sad songs with Pat.
Carrie: What are your sad songs?
Madonna You want me to name all of them?
Carrie: No, just a smattering?
Madonna ā€œLive To Tellā€, ā€œOh Fatherā€, ā€œPromise To Tryā€.
Carrie: Do you play any instrument?
Madonna No. When I was really little I played piano and then decided that I didnā€™t want to. Then in New York, after I decided that dancing was a big waste of time as a career, I asked this guy to teach me how to play the guitar. I started writing immediately. For a couple of years I practiced the guitar two hours a day and the drums four hours a day. But as I got more involved in the things you have to do to make records and videos and go on tour. I just stopped playing. On my first album, I wrote almost every song myself. Then I guess I got lazy.
Carrie: I would hardly characterize you as lazy. Whatā€™s the song youā€™re proudest of?
Madonna Thatā€™s like saying which child I like best in my large family. There are different things that are great about each one. There are certainly plenty that I donā€™t really give a shit about. I donā€™t like listening to my music. I listen to all those weird tapes you get at Bodhi Tree [a New Age bookstore in Los Angeles]. Chimes. My masseuse has one amazing tape that just keep playing pachelbelā€™s Canon over and over.
Carrie: Do you write when youā€™re upset?
Madonna Yeah, a lot. Words just come spewing forth. Iā€™ve written my best things when Iā€™m upset, but then who hasnā€™t? Whatā€™s the point of sitting down and notating your happiness?
Carrie: No, generally you donā€™t have that kind of concentration. And itā€™s not that interesting unless itā€™s psychotic. When itā€™s a maniac high you can have a skewed sensibility. Someone told me itā€™s called dysphoria ā€“ elation with a limit. You become aware of the limit, and youā€™re notating it before it ends.
Madonna Iā€™ve never done that, I donā€™t think. No, I have written songs in that state.
Carrie: Cherish.
Madonna Yeah, in a super-hyper-positive state of mind that I knew was not going to last.
Carrie: Do you like gifts? Whatā€™s the best gift youā€™ve ever gotten?
Madonna Letters. And Iā€™ve gotten some really beautiful jewelry from Warren. He has excellent taste in jewelry: neckhlaces, rings, earrings, bracelets, pins, beautiful brooches ā€“ antique stuff. Itā€™s rare that a guy will give you really good jewelry. I was shocked, pleasantly. Most people just go out and use their own bad taste.
Carrie: Do you get gifts for men?
Madonna Oh, yeah. My gift giving comes in the first few weeks of dating.
Carrie: Thatā€™s when you give head.
Madonna Theyā€™re not getting head from me, theyā€™re getting gifts from Maxfield.
Carrie: I want to go back to your perfect date. This is your version of an ad. Whatā€™s the ideal? We know about letters and good memory.
Madonna Gotta smell good.
Carrie: Their own body smell or do you like a particular after-shave?
Madonna Iā€™m not crazy about colognes. Some people just smell good, and it doesnā€™t have anyhting to do with something they put on. Smell good and be clean, those are really important things. Another essential thing about a guy is that heā€™s got to be able to pay his own rent. Not the rent on my house, just his own rent.
Carrie: Whatā€™s a good date ā€“ movies, dinner?
Madonna Both. Dinner is really good.
Carrie: What kind of restaurant?
Madonna Where they have good margaritas.
Carrie: So a Mexican restaurant?
Madonna No, I hate Mexican food. But Muse [in L.A.] has great margaritas. the lighting is really good there; you canā€™t see the zits that I always have.
Carrie: I donā€™t see them.
Madonna Iā€™m dying to meet someone who knows more than me. I keep meeting guys who know less.
Carrie: Itā€™s not going to be easy to find somebody who knows more than you and is more powerful. In every situation you have to compromise. What are you willing to compromise?
Madonna Okay, he doesnā€™t have to have a good memory.
Carrie: So, you rather go for smarter.
Madonna Smarter over sweeter. When you have a conversation and then a week later you say, ā€œYou said you were going to do this,ā€ and the other person says, ā€œI never said thatā€ ā€“ that drives me crazy.
Carrie: Do you get to say everything that you want to say when you get in those arguments?
Madonna Yes, because I always go: ā€œShut up! Just shut up! Let me say what I have to say!ā€ And they shut up.
Carrie: I let mine build up, and then I come out with this hairball of observation.
Madonna And itā€™s so forceful that whoever is standing in the room has to shut up. I save up lines. I save up what I consider to be really incredible things to say to somebody to really wound them.
Carrie: And does it?
Madonna Yeah.
Carrie: Do you imagine getting married again like you got married before?
Madonna No, Carrie, no, no. You donā€™t make those kind of mistakes twice.
Carrie: So, next time youā€™ll just do it off to one side, like a salad?
Madonna Yeah, itā€™ll be a side-dish kind of thing.
Carrie: Just do it and get it over with, and itā€™ll be like something that just happened. ā€œOh, by the way ā€“ I got married.ā€
Madonna No, I donā€™t want to do it like that. I wouldnā€™t want to treat it like coleslaw or anything. I guess Iā€™d just like to think of it as spa cusine versus full twelve-course meal.
Carrie: Would you have to be with someone who you couldnā€™t ask for a prenuptial agreement?
Madonna No, Iā€™d have to be with somebody who I could ask for one. Theyā€™d have to be not insulted if I asked for one ā€“ bottom line.
Carrie: So you just have to have someone who is really confident.
Madonna Confident, smells good, smart.
Carrie: Is that the order?
Madonna No. Smart, confident, smells good, sense of humor, likes to write letters, likes antique jewelry. The three toppers are smart, smells good, confident.
Carrie: Sense of humor ā€“ canā€™t take that out.
Madonna Carrie, do you have anyhting really important left to ask me?
Carrie: No, I think weā€™ve covered it. We talked about your movie.
Madonna I explained the spanking issue.
Carrie: That was very good for me.
Madonna We discussed growing old, having children, getting married and what Iā€™m going to do with my life.
Carrie: And breast cancer and skin.
Madonna What else is there?
Carrie: We just have to get that information for the blind date. Muse, margaritas, letters. I think weā€™re done.
Ā© Rolling Stone Magazine

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