EXCLUSIVE: Danny Dyer reveals 'first w*** was Madonna' !!

Danny Dyer confesses to masturbating over Madonna

CANDIhere anything Danny won't talk about?

The soap hardman appeared on Channel Four's Very British Problems to dish the dirt on his teen antics.

But the actor soon lowered the tone as he recounted his first foray into masturbation alongside the queen of pop.

"My first w*** was Madonna, I was a big fan of Madonna," he confessed.

"So it wasn't the girls in school, I think my first pedal was over Madonna, mid-eighties when she was fit."

GETTY

SEX SYMBOL: Teenage Danny had the hots for Madonna

Now you may be thinking that the Rebel Heart legend's recent Met Gala ensemble, which flashed both boob and booty with cut-out panels, must have got Danny hot under the collar.

But alas, his infatuation is no more.

"I wouldn't w*** over her now – she looks f*****," he quipped.

What a gent.

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"There was a girl in our school, if you took her a Walnut Whip she let you feel her boobs, 100% true," he said.

She must have had a seriously sweet tooth.

"There was a queue of about four of us once, just you and a Walnut Whip and you'd go round the side of her house and just," he added, before gesturing groping.

Young love, so full of romance and spontaneity.

CHANNEL FOUR

SWEET TOOTH: James said he got to second base for a Walnut Whip

He later delved into the awkward world of puberty.

"Pubes were huge, whose got pubes, who hasn't got pubes, whose getting pubes, he's got pubes, why haven't I got pubes," he admitted.

"I remember a real joke 'I heard James Corden found a pube last night and then he p****d out of it'".

Kids are cruel James, don't dwell on it.

Very British Problems airs on Mondays on Channel Four at 10pm.

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